Monthly Archives: October 2005

Order in court………!!!!!

Before I fill in the meme (thanks to tractorgirl) I was sent an email from Strawberry that I thought was very funny. It was a series of silly things said in law-courts. My favourites are those involving doctors as they show that lawers really do ask silly questions at times……

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A:All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
The autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law
somewhere.

And while I’m quoting from emails, I was searching through some of my old ones and I came across this gem as sent to me two years ago from Duracell…….

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Scary, but true……..

But back to TC’s meme…..

Ten Years ago: Was in school (that is now closed and renamed King’s Internation College of Business and Arts ) just starting my ‘A’ levels in Chemistry, Physics and Mathematics.

Five Years ago: Was retaking my second year at Uni……. something which I have never regretted

One Year ago: Thinking I was about to finish the thesis…… ahhh……

Five Yummy things: Christmas Cake, Peanut-butter, Sausages, chocolate, Tea

Five songs I know by heart: Canada's Really Big; Jesus' Brother Bob; Rippy The Gator; Mounted Animal Nature Trail – The Arrogant Worms,They All Laughed – gershwin/gershwin

Five things I would do with a lot of Money: Laugh evilly……and then not sure….visit friends that have scattered far and wide.

Five places I would escape to: Canada, New Zealand, The Mountains, Here, There. (nb – very tempting to put “the arms of a good women” but daren't….. hehehe!!!)

Five things I would never wear: clothes I find uncomfortable. Pointy Shoes, a sarong, platform shoes, a toupee, a kilt with nothing on beneath….. maybe….. 😉

Five favourite TV shows: Star Trek (all of them), X-files, NHL on C5, World's Wildest Police Videos, The West Wing.

Five things I enjoy doing: Grumbling, being with “the guys”, drinking tea and gossiping, being outside, driving

Favourite Toys: Wuffles (long story, and if you laugh, Death will visit) , Chess, Scrabble, Chainsaw, Crossbow,

Five people who get this ‘meme’: Or possibly five people who haven't done it yet…… Strawberry. Geneuvive, Micky, Matty, someone else who'd like to do it, drop me a line, I'll put you in!!!!

As time goes by……..

There might have been some of you who didn’t notice, but last night S4C showed ‘When Harry Met Sally‘ which is a great film. The premise is “does sex get inbetween the friendship of men and women??” In reality, it’s a love story following two people over twelve years……..

By following these two people over such a length of time, it gives us an chance to see how their changing age affects how they think. In one case Meg Ryan is in tears saying that one day she’s going to be fourty, when askes Billy Crystal, “someday” is the responce.

It reminded me of a dream that I had last year (I remember them so rarely that they sort of stick when they do) however, having forgotten to bring in the book that I wrote it down in, you must forgive me if I stumble of bits of it……

There are four parts to this dream, looking at four different events in my life. What makes it strange is that the events occured in the dream in reverse order. So first (or last, take your pick) was my funeral service. 🙁 it was a very nice funeral service though, and everyone looked all very sad. Yes, there were Monty Python songs, but hey, it’s my funeral!!!! :p

That was followed (or preceded) by my actual death….. which seemed reasonably peaceful in hospital with friends at my bedside.

What came next (you get the idea) was conducting the wedding to LordS and LadyS. The fact that this appears just goes to show that this must of been a dream……

And to finish, it was my own wedding. Which was very nice, and no, I’m not going to tell you who the bride was, so :p

My wish list……………….

Last christmas I came up with a Christmas Wish. This is a simple little thing where you make a wish for something to happen at christmas, and then wait to see if it happens. I think I can remember mine, and I seem to recall that it didn’t quite happen, but it was good……

But, more of that nearer to Christmas!!!

We were watching ‘Room 101’ last night and among the things that Jenny Ecliar wanted put into Room 101 was ‘Charmless Muggers’. Charmful muggers she had no problem with, it was the being pushed around that she didn’t like. They showed a great clip of Derren Brown asking a guy on a seafront for directions, the time and then his wallet. And the guy gave him the wallet and then walked off and then stopped and realised what had happened!!! It was so funny!!!!

But then I wondered; what would I put into Room 101……….????

Bad drivers – people should have to regularly retake their driving test and if they fail have their lincense removed,

TV soaps – blah…… how boring……..

Animal Rights Protesters – doing their best to slow down human development…….

Chavs and Yobs – all of whom are trying to drag society down to their level….. and with they’re stupid fashion and stupid undercar lighting (I’ve even seen a couple of bikes with underbike lighting….)

“me and John did this…..” – ‘John and I did this’, not ‘me and John’….. “Who did this??” “Me and John” acceptable answer, but please, it’s just wrong otherwise.

Over PC’ness – there was a case where a women was told off for describing the person who run her over as fat. If a person is fat they are fat. Calling it “horizontally challenged” is just saying “fat” but using far too many letters!!!

What do you think……??? Do you have any other suggestions that should go in…???

Tomorrow, tomorrow, you’re only a day away……….!!!!!!!

Generally speaking this has been a happy week, and then last night, at work, something went horribly wrong….. I have no idea what, but I just felt really quite depressed….. which was poo.

But I put that great musical Chess on and lost myself in my imagination. I also started putting some finer details to the story idea I had (possibly called Gambit, possibly Check Mate). It’s no-where as silly as the zombie film (Zombies!!) but I like the idea. When I have a good idea how the whole thing is going to go I’ll tell you, I promise…… that and once I learn how to put the pictures that I see in my mind down as words……. oh if only I could be bothered to story-board it would be so much easier!!!

I also ate fast food when I got home (at 2.20am!!!!) and watch the first nine innings of the baseball. (the match went on to 14 innings apparently, so I’m glad I gave up!!) If I finish that late on saturday I’m not going to make it back in time to see anyone at the hallowe’en party…. 🙁 then again, clocks go back this weekend, so they may stay up longer!!!

I was also driving the Men’s Squash team to Glamorgan Uni this afternoon, (they won all their matches) and I picked up a cute postcard that I’m going to write and send. I find writing postcards very therapeutic!!! I was pushed for choice though, most of them seemed to be along the soppy romantic/soppy kind with “missing you” and “call me anytime” written on them……

The Parent Trap, Annie and choco-cookies are also going to be present.

And to finish, I’m going to refer to something I found on Google yesterday….. after reading an email from Yip, and seeing how she wished she could be a ballerina, I thought I’d search “Dancing Librarian” afterall, it sounds like it could have been a ballet, or film or something….. it doesn’t appear to be, but it did mean that I came across the Bellydancing Librarian which I would advise everyone to look at, especially the gallery!!! It was a giggle!!!!

You know, I’m going to have to sort out those links to our left…….. I want to add all these ones I have in my favourites but find moving stuff around such a pain in the neck……. another day!!!!

(Wo)man’s best friend………………

And before anyone says anything I’m talking about cats.

I don’t get cats. I really don’t see the point. We all know that if cat food was free and someone invented a tin-opener that can be operated by paws we wouldn’t see them for the dust. What can I say, I really am a dog person, and yet I seem to be surrounded by cat people…….. *sigh*

For anyone interested as to why I’m going on about cats, it’s cause I’ve been asked to look after my friend’s four cats while she’s away in London…….

I took a couple of quizes from Strawberry’s moved blog and this one (I’ll put up the results of the other one in a few days) gave me results that I was very sceptical about. I’ll let you see and make of it as you will………..

You fit in with:Humanism
Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations.
0% scientific.40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Now, what would you like to know………………..????

Some people may take that as a request to send in a series of questions in the hope that I’d answer them. If you want to, please do so, I may answer them…… they’ll at least give me things to think about!!! What I mean by the question is what shall I tell you now……

Yesterday I went to St Anne’s in Over Haddon (derbyshire) and it was quite an experience. Being a very small village church my presence made the congratation up to five. The Priest and Organist made seven in total. It was sort-of sad but also quite nice. Being Anglicans there was no-one in the front three pews and we were sitting in four different pews but we still managed to sing out during the hymns (from Hymns A&M). Apart from the last one, which was a C. Wesley and therefore had no simple tune….

In local news; I have aquired a copy of The 100-Minute Bible, I can see people, head in hands…., and in all fairness, it’s not that bad. I certainly wouldn’t suggest making it your main Bible, but if you wanted to get an overview of how the Bible goes, it works!!!!

As well as a couple of congrates out to people including the first published piece of work in the Bussiness Standard from India.

There is a reason………….

I have often been accused of being dismissive of modern art. In all fairness, it’s cause I am. If I had the choice, the National Portrait Gallery would be my choice over Tate Modern. The print I have up on my wall is of E.B.Leighton’s – The Accolade (big download). However, we have come up with a purpose for Modern Art!!!

Mordern Art exists to give jobs to people who would otherwise be unempolyed and possibly mad. It is better to put them in a position where they can earn money (and pay taxes), fill galleries, and not end up in prison for killing people.

They also give very rich people something to buy with all their money, and therefore keep money in circulation….

Modern Art has a purpose!!!!!

As Angels watch over me……..

If you were to get married in a civil marriage ceremony, it is understandable that you might not be allowed to have religious songs or Bible passages…. that makes sense. what made less sense was the banning of such songs that weren’t religious. Robbie’s “Angels” is a good example.

The Church of England has come out saying that they have no objection to songs like “Angels” or Elizabeth Barrett Brownings Sonnet (How do I love thee?) as they are basically non-religious, but hymns and Bible passages they would object to.

Then maybe I’m being strange when I ponder, in all fairness, what’s the fuss……??? In a civil ceremony the people involved are mearly going to want to be setting a scene for their marriage……. there are some lovely hymns and passages that could be used. I can see the point that treating such works in a civil service would be disrespectful to them, but it wouldn’t offend me. If it made the day all that much nicer for the couple it can but be a good thing, yes?? (I read now at CoE-news that some sacred music as background should be allowed)

I mean, I was reading about the Turner Prize in the G2 and in the description of Gillian Carnegie the reporter has this to say;
Two other small paintings face one another down the length of the gallery. Both depict a woman’s arse, proffered to the viewer. this is a good joke. Perhaps, as the exhibition guide tells us, she wants us to think of Courbet’s L’Origine du Monde, his notorious painting of a woman’s thighs and genitals; but it seems to me more a provocative rejoiner to painters such as Luc Tuymans and John Currin.
and the painting that they show of Carneie’s isn’t that bad, but what I find off putting is the refference to a woman’s arse, like this is some cheapo tabloid. This being the Gaurdian, it has resorted to becoming a mini-broadsheet so not to be tabloided. So why use language that would shame a reporter for a University paper. (though probably not this University’s paper….)

That I find offensive!!!!

Do we stand up………….???

Someone recently said that if you went to the local ice-cream parlour on a Sunday afternoon and asked who there was a Christian the majority of people would raise their hand. I said that this was rubbish, as the majority of people there would be British, and being British we would ignore anyone who walked in and then demanded that people raised their hands. I think I’m right.

Apparently this week is National Religion Week and so on Radio2 they had the discussion on whether we as Christians in this country stood up for our religion as much as we should. Afterall, if we accept that Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” (Jn 14:6) why is it we don’t stand there and say that.

Our’s is the true faith and all other faiths are false paths.

It’s a small sentance, but it’s a big one…… with it, you are saying that a lot of people are wrong, not only wrong, but not heading to heaven. While we could say it, it is very disrespectful to a lot of people, it’s also very unBritish……it’s very rare for us to be able to stand up and go “we’re right, you’re just wrong, :p” if we can stand there and be very lukewarm and very; “that’s interesting, yes… hmmmmm…….”

There will be some people, I’m sure, that might suspect that we should be more of the former and less of the later, but I disagree. We are a society that is very open to those who have different thoughts and views and this is a good thing.

Here endeth the lesson for today!!!!!

Well, apart from a small story I saw, where the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, compared prayer with sunbathing…… I shall let him tell us in his own words;…….

“I’m not one for sunbathing, too much lying around and I get fidgety and a bit guilty. But there is something about sunbathing that tells us more about what prayer is like than any amount of religious jargon.
“You not going to get a better tan by screwing up your eyes and concentrating, you simply have to be there where the light can get at you.”

(actual words from “Pause for Thought” radio2 HERE)

And now the lesson has endeth!!!!

I must be crazy……………….

As if you didn’t know……. I have posted off my entry form and now have six months and four days to get ready……. for what I hear you ask…. well, if I get accepted it’s THIS. Fool am I!!!!

But, not to American News (ok, this is worth it…. really!!!!).

For those of you are are against big corporations, for what ever the reason, head to JibJab.com where they have brought out a new short cartoon called “Big Box Mart” it’s very funny, and includes the faces of 1000 JibJab fans….. they came to prominance during the 2004 US Election with the cartoon “This Land, in which animated versions of Bush and Kerry exchanged lively verbal jibes such as Kerry being called a “liberal wiener” or a “pinko commie” and Bush being described as a “stupid dumb ass” and a “right wing nut job”…… and was seen by over eight million people in it’s first week!!!

Also from ABC News is the story that ‘American Girl’ manufacturer of a set of highly popular dolls in the US is being targetted by conservative activists with boycott as they contribute to the youth organisation ‘Girls Inc.’ which runs educational and empowerment programmes for girls, who’s mission statment is to “inspire girls to be strong, smart and bold.”

What’s wrong with all that you may ask….??? Well, Girls Inc. also supports the 1973 Roe v. Wade court ruling allowing a woman’s choice on abortion and also supports a girl’s right to have access to contraception and pledges support for girls dealing with issues of sexual orientation. And for that they are evil, evil I tell you!!!!

In the attempt to be unbiased, here’s the site of the AFA – American Family Association and what they think. (as you can guess, they’re for the bycott)

Here’s the site for the I CAN band that is causing the problem and the link for Girl’s Inc.. they look good to me!!!